There is a distinct and thorough lack of emotion running through my veins these days. I find as the weeks go by, I begin to care less and less about what's going on immediately around me. I don't quite understand why either.
In just a few months I will barely be seeing my mother at all. It drives me nuts that we have to spend almost all of our time now fighting. It absolutely pisses me off, and that fuels my "back-talking" to her. I'm just getting so sick and tired of fighting constantly. Lately I've been overly snappy to her. I just don't really care anymore. I understand that I should, and me acting the way that I do is not at all the way I should act, but I just can't help it. I don't care at the time, so I just spout off. I hate that this is what I'm becoming, but I feel so out of control.
I don't think the problem really is that I don't care though. I think that I'm just so over-burdened with stress and shit that I can't cope, so I'm just shutting down. I can feel that I'm on the brink of snapping, of just having an intense nervous breakdown, yet at the moment I don't feel much. I kind of feel like I might be pretty severely depressed too. I'm not sure though. At this moment in time there's mostly just a bland melancholia.
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Maybe we should have bought a bag while we were in Charleston. =D
ReplyDeleteI didn't know you were still hardcore fighting with your mother. Have you tried talking to her about it? Maybe mentioning how you think this fighting-thing sucks? I know it wouldn't ever work with my mother, but...I don't know. I think yours isn't unreasonable and hateful.
Bland melancholia > severe depression. Stay in melancholy-land. Stay away from showers.
She doesn't care. She thinks it's all my fault and it so she couldn't do anything to help.
ReplyDeleteIt is my observation that when two people know or realize that they will soon be separated from one another they immediately start to try and distance themselves from one another which leads to argument and exactly what you describe. Remember that words you speak can never be taken back. Never.
ReplyDeleteMike is right about the seperation thing. Izzy is right about the melancholy thing. As for both, just in cast you haven't heard it enough, it does't last forever, things will get better.
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