Fruit-flavored Cocaine?!?! Count me in!

Holy shit! I'm starting my cocaine addiction today! This whole time, I've been thinking that there was only one negative aspect about it; it did not appeal to my sweet tooth. But hell, now that I can get my blow fruit flavored, the only thing stopping me now is waiting for them to come out with watermelon!

In the article (just click "cocaine", in case you didn't figure that one out on your own), it states that "Drug enforcement agents see this as a marketing tool to lure younger customers.", but I say fie to such over-sleuthing. Who the hell wants the taste of chemicals in the back of their throat? Are children the only ones who should be treated to the whimsical taste of mixed-berry pomegranate while snorting their dope? I think not!

The problem here, my friends, is that cocaine is falling into the same trap of prejudice as alcoholic mixed drinks. FRUIT IS FOR EVERYBODY! FRUIT IS DELICIOUS! Men can eat fruit. Women can eat fruit. Children can eat fruit. Fruit discriminates against no one, and yet men are constantly ridiculed for eating fruit-flavored things; being called "women" or "children".

So, in the same vein of rabble-rousing that I do verily represent, I speak to the masses; stand up for your rights men! Snort your fruity cocaine, drink your fruity drinks, and let no person—man, woman, or child—make you do otherwise.

In an effort to save men's dignity, and taste-buds, everywhere,
Lucious

TMI Tuesday (on Wednesday) I

I didn't do this for a long time because I figured it was mostly aimed at women (especially looking at some of the questions they ask), but then I realized nobody reads this blog anyways. That, and I don't care. It's something to do. So, without further ado, I present to you "TMI Tuesday (on Wednesday)".

1. Does the carpet match the drapes?
I don't have drapes in my house...

2. Have you ever used personal information about someone to blackmail them?
I can't say I have, sorry. I have used somebody's personal information to help them through a problem though. *waits for admiration*

3. What is your favorite thing to lick?
My own penis. I'm just joking with you! Probably lips.

4. Have you ever had sex in a place of worship? (i.e., church, temple, mosque, etc.)
I never have, and probably never wi- WAIT! No sex, but I "got dirty" in one of its many forms in my room, which contains many guitars, which automatically qualify it as being a place of worship.

5. If you watch video porn, do you buy it in a store, from a catalog, online, or download it? LINK!!! ;)
Download it illegally. Or, just view the samples on websites, although I haven't done either in a very long time.

Bonus (as in optional): How often, if ever, do you "fake it?"
Umm... that's a tough one. I've never technically faked "it". I faked coming close to "it" (which I still feel terrible for), but I imagine it's quite difficult for a man to fake "it". At least, in most situations.

There's a time and place for everything...

and here happens to be the time, and place, for me to tell you all a little secret about myself. I've kept this to myself for a very long time, but I think it's time that I reveal to the world what's been hiding deep inside my heart for so long. I know that a lot of people, especially my old best friend, will find what I have to say extremely surprising, maybe even shocking, but it has to be said. I just feel very much that I need to get this off of my chest.

I'm just kind of afraid that my friends, and you all, will never look at me the same way again. You'll begin to judge me, begin to maybe even dislike me because of it. I don't even know how Izzy is going to react... I just hope that she doesn't react badly, and tries to understand. I'm not like this because of anybody, or in spite of anybody; I just over the years have come to realize that a big part of who I was is not a reality, that in truth, I am very different. For many years I pretended I was that thing, living life as a lie. I used to think I was, I swear! I was just confused... But, I know the truth now, and that truth is that—I can't believe I'm telling you all this, finally—I... I... I like cake better than pie. I'm sorry if you don't agree with this viewpoint, but it's how I am! Okay!

HNT/*More bliss/glee*

The past two days have been very good, so as a celebration, here's my first ever HNT!


*looks very happy*

More blogging soon! (hopefully)


Edit: Due to some attempted diffusing on Izzy's part as to the origin of these marks, I feel it necessary to point out that they are indeed caused by her mouth. Thank you, and I apologize for any confusion she has created.

BEWARE THE MAGIC!

Attention all those that may be reading this! I have a new website. Go there! You can read the instructions on the site, but basically it's a way for me to be more creatively active, and I would love for you to send in some suggestions (again, read the site), and possibly pass the url on to everyone you can manage. I want to get busy makin' stuff! I appreciate all submissions.

Thank you,
Lucious Ash

*bliss/glee*

Oh joy is my heart, whilst in the presence of my Izzy!

*even more bliss/glee, in a totally manly way. Because I'm a man like that.*

I know I don't write much anymore... Okay, at all anymore, but I am just so happy right now that I can not contain it.

The day started out splendidly, wi-...

I am so sorry, but I am far too exhausted to launch into one of my narratives at the moment, so instead, I will just explain to you what makes Izzy so perfect. In list form.

1. She has a gorgeous smile. It's one of those smiles that reminds you that you love her, even if she did just finish crushing your pelvis with her palm (completely on accident, of course).
2. She pulls off short shorts like no one I've ever seen. It almost broke my heart to see her change into jeans, although I'm sure it would have been better if I had actually seen it. Which leads into my next point;
3. How the hell does she manage to get her skin that soft? Oh my god, it just takes one run of my hand up her thigh and... *shudders*.
4. She once performed an interpretive dance illustrating, in full, the entire life cycle of moss, to the music of Blue Man Group.
   
5. She smells amazing. Even just smelling the sleeve that she was leaning on makes me happier than even my guitar makes me. If you don't know me that well, this is equivalent to Albert Einstein loving something more than the unified theory.
6. She has great taste in music (even if she does like Spice Girls). I know I rag on her all the time for it, but all her music is good. Of course, she dislikes many of the bands I listen to, but that's forgivable when I don't have to listen to crap when it's her turn to pick music.
   
7. Even if she leads you around for infinity miles down a beach looking for a secluded spot (passing by probably 5 or 6 perfectly suitable spots on the way), looking as sexy as she can possibly manage, you still want to jump her when you finally find said spot. Well, I do, you better not or I may have to kick some ass, which leads into the next point;
8. She has a nice ass. Nice indeed, which is a good deal of why she pulls of the aforementioned short shorts so well (sorry for the objectification, love, but it's true).
9. She hates brillo pads as much as I do.
10. She is an amazing artist (even though she would probably argue me to the death about this, depending on whether she was currently working on something or not). This is sexy.
11. She can sing. Good. Like, probably better than you can (although she would probably argue that as well. If she does, don't listen to her. She doesn't know what she's talking about :P).
12. "The skies are fluffy today!" *thinks happily to himself*
13. She has beautiful, full, gorgeously awe-inspiring lips. They're truly amazing. And luscious. And lithe... And supple. Yes... *thinks happily to himself again*
14. Her writing is remarkably thoughtful and insightful, especially when compared the writing of her peers.
15. She once, without provocation, launched into a detailed description of a chemical process involved in food-making. It was quite thorough.
16. Kleptomaniac! (don't worry though, they were prismacolours, so it was justified)
17. She doesn't mind that I'm a bit of a klepto.
18. "Pleasey please, pleasey please, pleasey pleasey please please."
19. She has the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen; all be-speckled with a myriad of colours. Probably the most beautiful eyes that you'll ever see as well. HEY! I see the disbelief in your insanely-inferior eyes! I wouldn't lie to you, okay? Stop being so damn cynical.
    
20. She won't mind that I stopped the list here, for the sake of all the people reading this who don't want to hear my love-stricken ranting.
    

Yes, that's right. Izzy contains all of those qualities, and much, much more. *waits for the sound of minds being blown*

That's it for this entry, so until next time (hopefully sooner than usual), I bid thee all adios.