Fruit-flavored Cocaine?!?! Count me in!

Holy shit! I'm starting my cocaine addiction today! This whole time, I've been thinking that there was only one negative aspect about it; it did not appeal to my sweet tooth. But hell, now that I can get my blow fruit flavored, the only thing stopping me now is waiting for them to come out with watermelon!

In the article (just click "cocaine", in case you didn't figure that one out on your own), it states that "Drug enforcement agents see this as a marketing tool to lure younger customers.", but I say fie to such over-sleuthing. Who the hell wants the taste of chemicals in the back of their throat? Are children the only ones who should be treated to the whimsical taste of mixed-berry pomegranate while snorting their dope? I think not!

The problem here, my friends, is that cocaine is falling into the same trap of prejudice as alcoholic mixed drinks. FRUIT IS FOR EVERYBODY! FRUIT IS DELICIOUS! Men can eat fruit. Women can eat fruit. Children can eat fruit. Fruit discriminates against no one, and yet men are constantly ridiculed for eating fruit-flavored things; being called "women" or "children".

So, in the same vein of rabble-rousing that I do verily represent, I speak to the masses; stand up for your rights men! Snort your fruity cocaine, drink your fruity drinks, and let no person—man, woman, or child—make you do otherwise.

In an effort to save men's dignity, and taste-buds, everywhere,
Lucious