Mr. Happy says "IF YOU’RE GOING OUT (OR IN), ALWAYS WEAR YOUR BEST HAT."

This blows my mind. Yes, that is a condom, and yes, that is the Wal*Mart smiley with a condom hat. And also, again, yes, the quote above is actually from www.mrhappyshat.com. I also rather childishly feel giddy at the fact that the website name, with its improper punctuation, spells out "Mr. Happy Shat".

According to the site,

People were asked: “If you had the opportunity, would you rather:
1) work?
2) eat?
3) play? or
4) use a Mr. Happy’s Hat condom?

Voters overwhelming chose # 4 - to use a Mr. Happy’s Hat condom!

Really, aren't the last three about the same choice?

I also find it humorous that the "Quality" page contained this delightful pic:

Is it me or does it appear that these employees stole Mr. Happy's hat?

This was included in a bag of condoms from our family planning center. I highly doubt that a contraceptive company whose main marketing strategy is humour is really going to fit into the whole "not getting pregnant until you're ready" motto of family planning clinic. Quality aside, I still probably wouldn't use it because I have a feeling this one is going straight up on my wall. Forever.

*giggles to self about condom hat*

-Lucious

Look kids, it's silly poem time! *child-like exclamations of joy*

I am Mad

I am mad

Much like dad.

Now I'm sad...

 

Oh No! There's a...Oh No!

There's a thing over there!

Oh no!

Can you tell what it is Johnny?

Neither can I.

Let's go inside.

 

The Final Frontier

 

 

 

 

 

-Lucious

Circly Circlesons

This is a page from my new "Journal", which is technically a book, called Wreck This Journal. It a journal that's blank for the most part, but has instructions on each page, like the one above, that direct you through the process of wrecking the journal (unexpected, right?). I'm hoping it helps me get over some of my OCD stuff because it has pages like "Crack the spine of this book", "Burn this page", "Lose this page", "Tear out this page, put it in the pocket of your pants, wash your pants, then return the page" and my personal favorite "Make a sudden, destructive, unpredictable movement with the journal." Should be fun, at least. Plus, if one of the pages is particularly interesting, I can use it as a cop out to writing an actual post :P.

-Lucious

EDIT: I just realized I didn't follow the instructions competely because I kinda skipped out on that bottom left corner. Dammit. Ah well. I couldn't really see that bit when I was doing it because of the way the spine was situated.

Oh How Dastardly this Dreary Distance Betwixt Us! (written in patented arbitrary, yet delightfully non-poetic, free-verse)

I miss my

darling

sunshine.

It has been quite some time since our last meeting. Quite some time more since we have spent an

extended

amount of time with each other.

This

saddens

me.

I hope to see her again soon,

but I have no idea

when.

 

Or how.

 

In different, but equally

(nearly)

terrible news my gum hurts.

Not the entire

gum,

but rather just a

portion

between two of my front teeth. It is quite

swollen.

And also

is painful.

Quite unfortunate,

yes?

 

-Luci

ous

MIDI Controller Wha?

Damnit to all lack of previous credit history! I have been havin' a hankerin' for some good ol' computer generated synth-instrumental goodness, but alas I have no MIDI keyboard. *heaves large sigh* I found the MIDI controller of my dreams online, but when I went to apply for financing (for I have not $129.99), it said they couldn't do it because I have insufficient credit history. Don't even give me a chance... bastards...

My Secret Weapon

These are my little books of majesty.

I am in love with these little pocketbooks. I stumbled across them first about a year and a half ago, when I bought a crappy harmonica and the sales clerk threw a "how to play harmonica" one in. I never thought much else about them, until me and some friends were in a fantastic guitar store up north and we stumbled across them right across the way from the register. Fantastic find I must say. Endlessly useful, and amazingly portable. The one in the middle contains blank guitar tablature (as pictured),

the one to the right has all the bar chords, plus power chords, and the one to the right has every mandolin chord you could ever need. All my musical needs, right there in my pocket. Amazing really.

So basically, if you're a musician, then go get one! Or eight!

For your viewing pleasure

here is a picture of my uber-hot girlfriend; kissing a dog skeleton. A FUCKING DOG SKELETON! Blows your boyfriend and/or girlfriend's mind! And yours! Both your minds! What's that I just heard? Was that your penis and/or vagina exploding? I JUST BLEW BOTH YOUR HEADS (and/or not-head, but genitalia none-the-less)! You hermaphrodite bitches.

Now that that's out of the way, I am sorry for your lack of head(s) but I had to do it. The world has to know. You see those things, dangling from her ears? No, attached to her earlobes. FUCKING GUITAR PICKS! Yeah, that's right, things you pick guitars with. "Kick-ass!" you say? "Fuck yeah!" I say. Fuck yeah indeed...

Again, sorry about the head(s),

Lucious

Ooheey! Posting wha?!

In an effort to blog and write more I have decided that I am going to start forcing myself to write an entry every single day, whether or not I actually have something to say. The quality may be sub-par but hell, it can't be much worse than when I spend time on it, so why the hell not?

For this first, groundbreaking entry I am going to show you all an aerial view of my home. Yes, that's right, Lucious is going to break the great facade that his his persona and show you a glimpse into his actual, and quite mundane, life.

My house is the one with the tan roof. Yes, we do rock the neighborhood like that. The car next to my house? Not mine. To the direct left of my house, you will see the house of our neighbors, Patty and Dieters, and directly north of our house you will see the house of our other neighbors, Rick and Cathy. They are the reason we can't park our car in our driveway, which is a story that I will save for another entry, in case I can't think of anything to say on another day. The house to the left of Patty and Dieters, or two houses to the left of us, is the house of Brady. Brady use to take drugs, but again, I will save those stories for another post as well. The house diagonally across the intersection belongs to a man named Harry. Harry is a dick. Ironic eh? But yet again, this is a story for another, equally uninspired day.

I hope you have enjoyed a quick overview of my neighborhood. You may refer back to this in the future, in case you need a point of reference for any upcoming stories.

I love you with all my heart,

Lucious