*swaggers*

I have spent a lifetime feeling fear and general hatred towards the stuff, but I finally sucked it up and drank some damn alcohol. Stories aplenty were violently thrown into my memory banks for later recollection--many hilarious, some a little extra rawr--but none of which, regardless of quality or worthiness of retelling, are appropriate to recount to my mother. So in the interest of a clean and relatively easy blog post (I'm feeling quite sleepy this evening), I shall present to you the work I am calling, "A Series of Lists Pertaining to Alcohol Consumption; Present Size Accounted for by Tainted Memory".

Positives

1. Uber-horny uber-babe Izzy.
2. Socks+hardwood floors+decreased sense of balance/mobility ability=hilarity.
3. First chance I have ever seen a single pant worn quite that proudly.
4. Surprising amount of nudity.
5. Increased understanding of the issue in general.
6. Manly feelings for my superior tolerance of alcohol-taste.
7. Spinning bar-chairs have never held as much entertainment.
8. Boyfriend (of Izzy's friend) no longer hates me (Jackson five for male bonding!).
9. Extreme fellating of smirnoff bottles, by all parties involved.
10. Back massage/straddling by Izzy (score!).

Negatives

1. Socks+hardwood floors+decreased sense of balance/mobility ability=asshurt.
2. Wasted alcohol by way of crappy preparation of appletinis(+whiny participants/lazy me). Come on now, there are sober children in India to think of!
3. Extreme possibility of rape by Izzy's friend, who is apparently a Lucious Ash-penis fanatic.
4. Realization that Izzy only likes pussy drinks, therefor voiding my previously uber-man perceptions of her.
5. Why so much with the urination?
6. My lips are so dry...
7. Tippsies prevented most parties involved from appreciating the genius comedy of Mitch Hedburg.
8. Comedy Central Presents theme song playing repeatedly in the background.
9. Exhaustion.
10. Alcohol+Izzy=super bitchy about the fact that I just ate popcorn chicken, therefor my mouth is not worth kissing :P
11. Most parties too restless to finish A Scanner Darkly.

Favourite things to do whilst inebriated

1. Izzy
2. Spin in circles
3. Not-run
4. Stand up after sitting for long periods of time
5. Drink delicious appley-things

Least favourite things that I was forced to do whilst inebriated

1. Fear for innocence-violation from friend of Izzy
2. Shots (although truthfully, this was mostly neutral)
3. Fall down
4. Resist Izzy's numerous (and quite forward) advances in public

Note: For this entry I had to add "appletinis" and "asshurt" to my spellcheck dictionary, which are things I never thought I would have to do...

Possibly more anecdotes to come! (but don't count on it, because they're really pointless since the only reader I have was present)